the symbolism of milk tea

I switched to the pure sweetness of green apple milk tea, with a slight tinge of sourness.

And sometimes, it's just that I need to stop in my tracks and satisfy that occasional craving for sweetness.

Or whatever you define it as.

I always drink a different flavour of milk tea, depending on my mood or craving. Peppermint's my favourite, mainly because of the strong, minty flavour which never fails to perk me up no matter how tired or sleepy I feel. I go for the occasional honey flavour, one with a slight feeling of indulgence, up to you to define how sweet it is. And of course there's the green apple milk tea mentioned above, really sweet with a bit of sourness, much like the feeling of pure happiness.

I went to watch Sex and the City again on Saturday, with one of my friends. Somehow the movie never fails to impress me. Everything in the movie seems so perfect, yet so close to reality.

"We were perfectly happy until we decided to live happily ever after." - Carrie Bradshaw from 'Sex and the City'

And life's like that, ironically so.

Sometimes, I just ask myself. Why is it that so many people yearn to be able to fall in love, yet many of them end up getting hurt in one way or another. It's not that I don't have any faith in love. It's just that people nowadays fall in love way too easily, way too much. Somehow, I just don't know for myself what's love anymore either.

"So what is love? Does that mean calling his name fifty times more than I call mine? Is that love?" - Samantha Jones from 'Sex and the City'

Embracing the alluring possibilities one could have from singlehood, I walk along the busy streets, a cup of green apple milk tea in one hand. That pure sweetness, with a trace of sourness.

Maybe one day, love will fall down from the sky instead.

times like these

And it's times like these remind me,

that I've got to keep my feet on the ground.

that smile of mine

Every now and then, I'll go downstairs to the playground, sit on the swing, and just stay there looking at the bright little stars in the clear night sky.

And I'll sing songs that come into my mind. Any song.

Somehow, I feel really peaceful and happy whenever I do that.

Then again, everytime I think about this, I'll feel weird. Because I'm someone who really likes the company of others, someone who enjoys being in the centre of attraction. Somehow, being alone doesn't really seem to be what I really am. This leads me to think what type of person I really am.

One of my friends just told me he has been really happy these past few weeks. He had been shopping and buying stuff all this time, well it's the Great Singapore Sale after all! I can really make out the pure joy in his voice(or words), and I really really felt happy for him too. When people around me are happy, it made my day too. I never liked to see others depressed or upset, because then I'll do my utmost to cheer them up.

In the dead of the night, I'm alone in my room listening to music and chatting with friends. Strangely enough, I feel quite peaceful and contented, just doing all these things. Sometimes I think I really have a very simple definition of how happiness should be like. Myself, I always feel happy at the slightest opportunity. Maybe it's my optimism, maybe it's what I really am, and maybe it's because of my wonderful friends.

"Sometimes, it's just because I want to see your smile. And after that, nothing else will matter anymore."

It was then that I decided, that I wanted to be someone significant. Not significant in society, neither to be someone who really stands out. Significant as in, I know that I've made someone smile today; that I know I've made someone who was upset or depressed feel better. It doesn't matter if they remember, because at the end of the day I know I've done something I should have done.

Because sometimes, it's the little details in life that counts doesn't it?

Someone once asked me, why could I be so easily contented, and why I always seemed to be able to keep on smiling. That same person was a depressed soul. He felt that his whole life was in shambles, that somehow he just lived for the sake of living. I asked him about his friends, his family, his education. To those, he gave the same depressed replies.

I told him that I used to be like him, that I was once a sad, pitiful boy probably doomed to grow up into the same ill-fated person. Then, I remembered I always told myself that it isn't the worst yet. I'm relieved that I had so much faith then, and I'm glad that I still hold that much faith even now when I need it sometimes to get through. Quite ironic for someone who doesn't really believe in God though. You can say it's my own personal belief that everything will somehow turn out the way I want it to be.

Someday, we just have to wait.

I used to yearn for love too. After all, love's the best thing in the world isn't it? Go watch Sex and the City! I remembered I always envied those couples I see on the train or the bus, holding hands and hugging each other. I remembered I always cried my heart out when I watch those drama episodes where love is so highly preached. I remembered I used to dream and fantasize about having someone who will be there for me, and whom I can be there for.

Don't laugh, especially about the drama part. I'm sure you all cry when you watch soap operas!

Somehow, now I feel a bit different. I still fantasize and dream, I still feel the want of having someone to hold me and tell me that he loves me. But I know now, because I'm not alone anymore, that I have friends who I can live for as well, that I can avoid feeling lonely during those dark and cold nights. Because to me, my friends are part of my everything.

And even now, the haunting silence and emptiness of the night doesn't reach me the way it used to do. Because I know, after the night passes by, the sun will start to rise and a new day, another chapter in my life will start to start.





I used to want the whole world to see me the way I wanted them to see. But now I just want myself to see the way that I really want to be.

Ballz's 19th

I know I've been procrastinating, but I'm finally down to it!

Anyway, Happy 19th Birthday Ballz!

Like what many others said, your 19th birthday is the last birthday before you enter your twentieths. So it's like as important as the 18th or 21th birthday!

This year was actually the first year that we could celebrate Ballz birthday on the actual date itself. Due to unfortunate turn of events like overseas trips or family matters, we couldn't do so for the past few years(sorry Ballz!). So you bet Ballz was an entire ballful of happiness on Sunday.

We ate at Ajisen Ramen, due to the fact that like half of us were literally penniless. Sam and Cara had spent the previous night thinking up of 19 dares for Ballz to do on her birthday as well. Also, on the way, Sam decided to be a cheapskate and pick up a whole stack of freebie stickers, which we found different ways in to use them.

Poor Ballz, all I could say is that I wished we could have celebrated your birthday in a more memorable and meaningful way, seeing as it was the first year that we celebrated it on the actual day. Still, we didn't mean to make you sad or degraded. It's ok, you can think of 19 dares for us to do on our birthdays!!

All in all, we hoped that you really had fun, and that Sunday was a really memorable birthday for you! Happy 19th again(although it's late by two days!). (:

And I'm learning to fall, because I know that I will be stronger, and life without you will be more bearable.

Fugly Sam

I just realised that Sam entering the Semi-Finals of 'So you think you're Andro' means that I would have to go again two weeks later.




Damn it.

But anyway, at least she made it past the first elimination round without getting kicked out(despite her fugliness).

Updates coming soon! Ballz birthday tomorrow!!

Expect loads of pictures (:

reality bites

Times like this really depress me. And sometimes, I really want to throw away everything, the burdens I've been shouldering; the sadness and emptiness haunting me.

Listening to emo songs doesn't really help a lot either. Damn.

I used to think that I knew everything, that I had everything that I wanted. Yet I wasn't in the least bit satisfied. In truth, I didn't have everything I wanted either. Material pleasures, realistic yet so superficial, failed to give me the things I've been searching for. I dream often; dreamt of things I really want; hankered for that little bit of virtual fantasy. Yet, dreams don't really come true do they?

I would hardly say I'm a realist, more of an idealist. I find solace when I am alone by myself, listening to soothing classical music and just lying there on my bed, doing nothing. Yet, a greater part of me really wanted to be out there, hanging out with my friends, shopping, spending a crazy night together.

It's all great and fun when you are in your little dreamy world, indulging in the fantasies and pleasures without caring about any consequences that might happen. Yet when the cold, hard reality hits, it's like 'BAM'! Everything's gone in that instant, and you're once again back in that world of dark, cruel reality.

That's how I feel right now. Somehow.

It's alright, I always tell myself that this isn't the worst yet. Somehow, I'm really glad that I still have my optimism to get me through periods of emptiness, times when I feel neglected and lonely. Getting through them wasn't as easy as it seems though, it's akin to struggling in this vast ocean, where you are the only one there alone. The sinking feeling, literally, isn't pleasurable.

I could really write an essay right now, but somehow my thoughts wouldn't form themselves into words.

Funny how easier it is to actually think than to write.


Today is a winding road that's taking me to places
that I didn't want to go, Whoa
Today in the blink of an eye I'm holding on to something
and I do not know why I tried

I tried to read between the lines
I tried to look in your eyes
I want a simple explanation
For what I'm feeling inside
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder,
and I said, Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder


Maybe there is a way out. Till then, I'm waiting for someone to be my thunder.





Sometimes, listening to sad songs when you're feeling depressed further darkens your mood. But somehow I feel that I could relate to them, and I feel quite peaceful whenever I listen to songs that fits my mood.

Play!

Sex and the City was a blast! Even with censorship, I still find that the movie was quite a success. There are quite a few hilarious scenes, and not to mention the hot sex scenes as well, which was rather short though. All in all, a good watch.

Anyway, I went to the preview of "So you think you're Andro" at Play on Thursday! For more information, go to http://derised.blogspot.com/ where you can find the actual link to the TwoQueensParty website itself(I'm too lazy to link it here). But the whole place was practically swarming with girls that day, hot and fugly alike. Still, the preview was quite a hit, with Chua En Lai as the emcee for the event, and judges Irene Ang, Rebecca Tan, and some guy from Fridae.com. Sam didn't manage to emerge Top 3 that night though, and neither did Cara, which was a bit disappointing. But still, we have the elimination rounds to look forward to!

And so I was complaining about the lack of hot guys that night on Thursday, I actually went to hook up with one of my friends to Play on Saturday, which was yesterday! The club was surprisingly empty at 9.30pm when we reached, so Bart and I decided to go and explore the area looking for this Kopitiam to have dinner. We walked for ages, and then we finally found the location. After Bart had his meal, we walked back to the club, which by that time was drizzling slightly. Thank God it didn't evolve into a thunderstorm.

We passed by Taboo, another gay bar. Bart said that place is usually full of fat, old angmohs trying to pick younger guys up. He had this painful encounter once, when he wanted to go in, but the moment he opened the door, he saw this group of fat, old uncles standing at the entrance. He got so turned off that he just left the place.

Anyway, the club was still considerably empty when we went back at 10.30pm, save for some early birds who were there just for the free entry. So me and Bart sat down and chatted, while eyeing random hot guys who bypassed us. I was criticising every now and then at the fashion sense of the people who were walking around. Omg seriously, some people have no idea in the world how to dress up. I'm not even going to bother elaborating further.

The night ended up with wild dancing on the dance floor, which took a painfully long time to fill up. I had came to the conclusion then that guys took a much longer time to actually take the initiative than girls. Nobody wanted to start dancing at all, probably because of fear of embarrassment. Still, the dance floor filled up in the end, and me and Bart started dancing around too. The music wasn't that great unlike Thursday, but it was ok I guess. We danced till like 2am, when Bart had to leave, so we just hailed a taxi and went back home.

I just realised I've cleanly forgotten to write about what happened on Friday. So here it is! I met up with Peggy, Huilin, Jieying, Jidan(Junwei), and Dada on Friday afternoon for lunch at Lot1. Pepper lunch time! Although I regretted it immediately because it somehow made my sore throat worse. But still I missed the food at Lot1, and the whole place had changed a lot from the last time I came here.

We went to take bus 190 after that. On the way, Me and Jieying were just gossiping about random stuff, when we noticed this particular guy sitting in front of us. He was wearing what looked like a telephone cord around his neck. You know, the curly curly wire thingy. I was just about to comment about it as loud as I could, when I noticed that he was wearing this black cross earring and an earstud on his left ear, and another earstud on his right ear. And he was carrying this freaking old phone from LG, which I think by now could have earned a place in the museum. The sad thing is, I couldn't see how he looked like though. Meh. And throughout the journey, me and Jieying continued our gossip about random people who were on the bus, including this pair of girls who decided that the bus would be a perfect place to broadcast one of their favourite songs from their phone. It was freaking irritating, the bus isn't a place for you to be your own DJ. I was going to start writing about their fashion sense, but I decided it is going to be a waste of my time.

We reached the museum, and spent like two hours or so walking around the entire place. History is fascinating, and the works of art there were brilliant too. Not going to write about every single detail in the museum, as it would probably take a week for me to do so. We finished the museum tour, which cost us $5, and emerged from the chilly museum, into the bright open sunlight. Maomao came along when we were halfway through the museum tour too.

We walked all the way from the museum to Marina Square. On the way, both Jieying and Huilin were complaining about how the guys were walking so fast, that they were finding it extremely hard to catch up, in heels. So by the time we reached Marina Square, me, Jieying, and Huilin were all suffering from aching feet. After that, I had to explore the entire building with Jieying to find the ATM where she could withdraw cash. Omg, my poor aching feet.

Waraku was too full, so we decided to eat at Hans in the end. I don't really like the food there, because I think it wasn't really worth my money. Boon and Sam came along to meet us, and I had to actually find Sam and bring her to the restaurant because the direction idiot in her took control and she became lost.

We went to some random bar at Esplanade to sit down and chat for a while. Took some pictures, and chatted quite a bit. I quite like the ambiance there, quiet and peaceful, although I think it was because the bar was literally empty except for some other patrons.

We walked back to City Hall Mrt after that, where we had a good laugh at Sam's abysmal sense of direction when she tried to take the wrong escalators. The train was quite packed, so we had to stand. Upon reaching Admiralty, me, Sam and Jieying alighted, bidding farewell to Huilin. Sam met Cara at the station, and both of them went to have supper at Mcdonalds. So me and Jieying went over to the bus stop and took the bus back home.

So now, I'm still having my sore throat. I really need to stop having late nights out. Seriously.

Toodles! (:

lolcats

The day's hot, the weather's humid, and I seriously have nothing to do.

Actually I was supposed to write a really long article, but then I got too lazy as usual researching stuff, so I went to google funny cat pictures.

I can't really find alot which caught my eye! Going to post more next time! Stay in tune!

I declare

that I'm hereby sick of Clarke Quay.

Because of the amazing fact that I've been to that area for the past five consecutive days, and arrived home no earlier than 3am.

And now I have a freaking sore throat. Because I'm heaty all over from all the late nights.

So I'm definitely going to refrain from going there for the next few days! Omg.

Oh and I'm going to Play! On thursday! For Sam and Cara's participation in "So you think you are Andro". It's only the Preview though!

Need to drink more water, if not I'll probably lose my voice.