reality bites

Times like this really depress me. And sometimes, I really want to throw away everything, the burdens I've been shouldering; the sadness and emptiness haunting me.

Listening to emo songs doesn't really help a lot either. Damn.

I used to think that I knew everything, that I had everything that I wanted. Yet I wasn't in the least bit satisfied. In truth, I didn't have everything I wanted either. Material pleasures, realistic yet so superficial, failed to give me the things I've been searching for. I dream often; dreamt of things I really want; hankered for that little bit of virtual fantasy. Yet, dreams don't really come true do they?

I would hardly say I'm a realist, more of an idealist. I find solace when I am alone by myself, listening to soothing classical music and just lying there on my bed, doing nothing. Yet, a greater part of me really wanted to be out there, hanging out with my friends, shopping, spending a crazy night together.

It's all great and fun when you are in your little dreamy world, indulging in the fantasies and pleasures without caring about any consequences that might happen. Yet when the cold, hard reality hits, it's like 'BAM'! Everything's gone in that instant, and you're once again back in that world of dark, cruel reality.

That's how I feel right now. Somehow.

It's alright, I always tell myself that this isn't the worst yet. Somehow, I'm really glad that I still have my optimism to get me through periods of emptiness, times when I feel neglected and lonely. Getting through them wasn't as easy as it seems though, it's akin to struggling in this vast ocean, where you are the only one there alone. The sinking feeling, literally, isn't pleasurable.

I could really write an essay right now, but somehow my thoughts wouldn't form themselves into words.

Funny how easier it is to actually think than to write.


Today is a winding road that's taking me to places
that I didn't want to go, Whoa
Today in the blink of an eye I'm holding on to something
and I do not know why I tried

I tried to read between the lines
I tried to look in your eyes
I want a simple explanation
For what I'm feeling inside
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder,
and I said, Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder


Maybe there is a way out. Till then, I'm waiting for someone to be my thunder.





Sometimes, listening to sad songs when you're feeling depressed further darkens your mood. But somehow I feel that I could relate to them, and I feel quite peaceful whenever I listen to songs that fits my mood.